The Cutest Hair Clips for Ulimate 90’s Nostalgia

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90’s cool-girl chic has been making a comeback this season. Every fashion blogger you see is sporting bedazzled barrettes, clean-cut lobs and plain white round neck T-shirts. The style is closer to Jennifer Aniston’s character Rachel from friends, than other 90’s queens like Courtney Love and Madonna.

If you want to look like you rolled out of bed, with a mind made up to march up to the editor of the print (shudders) fashion magazine you worked at pre GF, and ask for a 10c per word raise for your editorial pieces, this is your time to shine.

The look du jour goes something like, bejeweled or otherwise chunky barrettes worn on one side with a soft wave, a white T-shirt layered over a crisp black shift dress, or paired with the ever-present checkered (or gingham, or tartan) blazer, and black skirt.

If you’ve got the blazer, the skirt and the T-shirt, I’ve rounded up some of my favourite over-sized barrettes for your purchasing pleasure.

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  1. ‘Girls’ clip: https://rstyle.me/+3g_XQpslqO-HjV2_pOpLKQ
  2. Jennifer Behr Crystal Bobby Pin set: https://rstyle.me/+LOoK4WZKkm2YwvzwB7b_rw
  3. ASOS pearl design hair clips: https://rstyle.me/+-1hSD9trykfljcEii4eA4A
  4. ASOS desing pack of 4 mixed metal hair clips: https://rstyle.me/+Rk_Yvo2k45B-A2tdmHDzjQ

What is ‘Owning’ Your Sexuality?

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Shop hair clips (similar): https://rstyle.me/~aPgnA

When you fit the bill of ‘sexually liberated’ you can cop a lot of flack. From well-intended jokes, to downright horrific instances of slut-shaming. It’s a double-edged sword – freedom does not mean freedom from judgement, it means the confidence to continue operating, business-as-usual, despite that judgement.

As a result, we hear people say, ‘own it’, ‘just own it’ – in reference to so many things that don’t fit the bill of social norms. Although, you’d think by now we would have come far enough that nudity and sex would be less scandalous, but the outrage following every celebrity nude photo or sex tape ‘scandal’ suggests otherwise.

The idea of ‘owning it’ is sound, when you own something no one can use it as a source of discomfort. No one can use it to belittle you. To ‘own’ an aspect of your personality begets pride, shamelessness.

Sex-positive feminism gave us the pill, and the free-love movement of the 1960’s. We developed our rights to education, careers and a guilt-free expression of the people we wanted to become. 

Still, the layers of a sex-negative society – particularly when it comes to the female experience, and the sexualisation of female nudity, and culturally normative behaviour designed to keep society intact. Sex is still shameful, the female form in all it’s iterations is still policed (even thin, pretty white girls will be told they have something ‘wrong’ with them – is it even possible to be considered beautiful these days?).

My interpretation is that to own one’s sexuality, is to create one that is relevant to the person themselves, their mental and physical health, their emotions, their experiences and their personal boundaries and morals. It is not something that can be inherited – particularly via the unconscious collective of a society that was not built to help people, but to control them. Even modern science suggests that there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ version of sexuality.

Yet when it comes to the female experience, we’re born into cultures worldwide where any creation of a sexuality befitting our unique life, personality, values and beliefs, is squashed or shamed before we even become sexually active, or curious.

How can we ‘own’ something when our collective social upbringing leans toward the suggestion that we don’t own any part of our sexual experience? These cultures promote the objectification of women, except for when women create their own sense of objectification appropriate within their bounds of consent. As soon as we realise and maintain our boundaries, we’re often told that we’re defunct, freakish, ‘sluts’, or  disgusting.

Developing the level of confidence, and sense of self to eschew the internalisation of shame surrounding your comfort-ability with sex takes time, self-education and a self-assured internal monologue. Rest assured, you’re doing the right thing – and you are learning to ‘own’ it, and paving the way for others too,  the more you accept your own unique sexual experiences and complexities.

 

Shop Hair Clips:

 

Sex Isn’t Natural?

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On my typical morning walk, with cows on either side of me,  I trudged through muddy farmland the day after a summer storm. As I walked, I listened to a Belgian woman inform a couple that, ‘sex isn’t natural’.

The woman was Esther Perel, and it was through her podcast ‘Where Should we Begin’ that the message was relayed. It was different, for sure. In the sex positive community we often hear, ‘sex is natural!’ as a sub-heading under why it’s okay to have sex and talk candidly about it.

Perel’s meaning was logical  – people aren’t naturally inclined to monogamy, or to even have sex for extended periods of time. This is the premise of her book – Mating in Captivity – which discusses the work necessary when it comes to keeping desire alive in long-term relationships.

The promise of modern monogamy, romance, marriage and the Victorian-era morals that surround these societal institutions, tie our beliefs, ego, and emotions up with how our partners behave toward us and vice versa. Perel pushes intimacy to the side – suggesting that for long-term couples, their closeness can become the enemy of sex,. After all, desire  thrives on chase, and mystery.

“Autonomous will is essential to desire; desire means to own the wanting. People can be massively attracted, but have no desire. Desire is a motivation.” Perel tells Goop.  Explaining how the subconscious beliefs we associate with the institution of marriage and long-term monogamy become detrimental to sexual relationships.

When we look at the role of female-presenting people within society we can see an extension of this – look at the backlash Kim Kardashian faced upon releasing semi-naked photos after her first pregnancy. We see women in their ‘roles’ – and we can internalise this, and project our beliefs about the role of the ‘wife’, ‘mother’, the ‘good’ girlfriend or life partner (not to mention the maiden, mother and crone) and become somewhat sexually devoid. Why? Because we aren’t used to seeing wives and mothers in sexual roles. If we begin to shape our own identity fully as these things – we might find ourselves facing a couples deathbed. 

As females are naturally painted as caregivers, it can be difficult to compartmentalise and differentiate the ‘self’ – desirous, and wanting – to the duties and roles taking up space within the relationship.

Sex isn’t something we’re naturally ‘good’ at or amazing at. In that first Podcast episode of Perel’s, as she guides the same couple through their infidelity issues, she explains this. The idea that we’re all naturally not only good at sex, and that if you’re with the ‘right’ person you should always know what they’re thinking – not to mention the idea that sex must die when you give birth, or get old, is a complete myth perpetuated by lazy Hollywood scriptwriters.

In fact, in her podcast, Perel discusses how our society thinking this has created many, many problems for people and relationships.

Sex, relationships and love are work – and they’re also a choice you make daily. They are things you need to practice and work on and learn about if you want to be good at them.