On Bonding with Others , and how I struggle.

 

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I struggle to make female friendships, and I know I’m not the only one.

Feeling cut off from other women, groups of female friends, and like the tragically cliched ‘odd one out’ in the group has been a pattern throughout my young life. I understand and accept that a large part of this has to do with me – I’m a terrible when it comes to isolating myself, and guarding myself and my own human experience. As I’ve gotten older my guard has not dropped, but my fear of what I experience inside has. I’ve started to realise that everyone feels the same way at some point  – highs, lows, and the terrifying parts of our brains that we only delve into while sipping mushroom tea at house parties in our early twenties.

Still, the struggle to connect exists. I find it rare to meet a person who wants to connect, people are happy within their cliques – and by the time we hit say, 23, it can feel like we’ve already seen it all – we’ve had our ex boyfriend f**k our housemate, we’ve had our group turn on us as a whole, we’ve heard every schoolyard or university food hall rumour on the planet, had our words twisted, and in turn – we’ve also been a part of it.

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We’ve sat in silence as another person has been thrown under the bus, or had her mental anguish, mistakes and issues aired among the psychoanalytical group think and felt it remove the bonds we had previously made with that person.  No wonder we find it hard to even want to connect with others, if we haven’t yet recovered from those experiences.

When we come to realise our loneliness we often say, ‘take a class’, ‘join a club’, ‘meet people on a night out’ etc. The issue is a little bit deeper though, or at least I find it to be.

The thing is, I find it easy to talk to strangers – really easy – I am no holds barred if I am in a one on one conversation with a complete stranger, and a drink in my hand. It’s part of what made me enjoy the hustle of dancing so much. When there is some kind of social status quo to uphold though – that’s when it hits: The awkwardness, the struggle to knit something out of a sliver of fantasy regarding a regular coffee date where I (living my very ~adult coupled up life) can live vicariously through their new discovery of BDSM with strangers (‘kind of scary in retrospect’), and introduction to Herpes Simplex 1, 2 (3,4,5, and 6) and how to treat it.

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Once those first meetings are done and dusted, I start to hold back. While I might be loose and fun, thumbing through the first few vintage racks while telling my unedited life story, I eventually start to want to shrink back. The few times in my life that this hasn’t occurred have been instances where I believe the person was/is a soulmate – someone who was supposed to come into my life, someone where the friendship has always been easy, casual and interesting. Or maybe I’m just lazy, and I don’t want to do the spiritual homework involved in letting new people in and deconstructing their reaction to who I am as a person.

I think something to be self-aware of, and something that is worth deconstructing when we try to make sense of our own learned behaviour – is how we learn to exclude people for the purpose of self-preservation. Groups don’t naturally open immediately – life would be easier if they did, it would be easier if we learned not to hold so strongly to our self-perception, and allowed change to come as it wills to help us grow further and become more fully integrated people – and in turn more flexible with our Jungian Self.

The reality is, I have two friends that I’m not related to. I’m not upset about it, I like being alone. I also prefer spending time with my family to others. I’m a self-confessed workaholic. When I’m not working my hobbies (bar shopping) are really only things that can be done alone. I do find my own social inhibitions when not blessed by my chosen fairy godmother (her name is Absolut) interesting however. Why do we hold ourselves back when it comes to friendship? Why don’t we let others into our groups without question?

SS19 Trends: Fashion, Hair & Beauty

Fashion month is officially over, phew! I wanted to write a post detailing some of the trends and themes that stood out to me , showcasing both designer collections, and high-street or affordable ways to get your hands on the trends. These trends are forecast to last throughout the upcoming seasons.

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Chloe’s inspired use of textures illustrated a beautiful take on rebellious bohemian-chic (source)

Chloe brought us asymmetrical sleeve drama, capes and a continuation of the ‘Cher hair’ trend with brushed out, air-dried braided waves. Hair was slicked back or fluffy, or short and tousled with girly effortless in quintessential Chloe style. Makeup was natural, glowy and minimal with a taupe base.

Chloe also made use of Edie Segwick style doorknocker earrings. Some amazing high street dupes are available at House of Harlow (bottom LEFT), and SHASHI (top right). The rebellious Jane Birkin inspired textures can be found in stores such as Mes Demoiselles (a little more exxy), and Rare London (top LEFT).

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Gucci also argued a case for sleeve drama – with folds, feathers and even wire-strung silhouettes transforming clothing into wearable art.

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Source: Vogue UK

80’s silhouettes reigned supreme – with structured longline blazers, half and half wrap dresses and a shoulder-pad resurgence.

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source: Vogue UK

Gucci also showed us what sequin-cast dreams could be made of with 70’s tinsel fringing both on clothing and in jewellery. (options to buy this on nastygal & boohoo)

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Versace stuck with a burnt-orange, modern mod-look – button down skirts, lots of leather, snakeskin and mixed prints in an ‘opposite complimentary’ brown, red, orange, yellow and blue palette.

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source: Elle Magazine

Again Versace proved that asymmetry would reign again come ss19 & optioned their own take on the pastel rainbow.

Versace created a very mod makeup look – fluffy brows, with a rounded ‘hook’ sixties vibe, and faux freckles giving half the models a very Gigi Hadid look (as seen on both Gigi and Kaia Gerber), and the other half a smokey black wing to pull together a very Bella look (both walked in this show, alongside Kendall Jenner, Kaia Gerber, and Emily Ratajowski). To recreate the look yourself check out this video by itslikelymakeup on youtube, and try adding in some faux freckles.

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Edie Sedgwick /Gigi Hadid rounded brows ruled the Versace catwalk

The main theme of the Versace ss19 collection seemed to be somewhat of a mixture of the best parts of the seventies meets the best parts of the 80’s. It was a very ‘now’ collection – and very influencer-themed. A more affordable option for the Versace-mod look is t Reformation’s mod dress – a great addition to any wardrobe. The flattering A-line cut and high neck gives a 60’s vibe, perfectly teamed with a pair of Chelsea boots or flat thigh-highs.

Cocktail Collage Hallostyle (1)

Top to bottom: https://rstyle.me/~aF0G1 – forever 21 striped turtleneck,
https://rstyle.me/~aF0GI – Reformation Mod Dress
https://rstyle.me/~aF0IT – Armani Exchange Crossbody

Alexander Wang brought us the trend we’ve all (read: I have) been waiting for –  bandanna’s. In Japanese culture these are known as Hachimaki – and Wang’s styling gave even amounts of both traditional aesthetic meets, ‘western biker who stole it from Axl Rose after winning a bar fight’.

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Want. Need. Yes thanks. Trench coats and dusters at maxi, mid and waist-length created masculine squared silhouettes that brought back memories of watching Akira in my late teens. This could possibly have been the best vision for a fashion show I’ve ever seen. The entire show was much less girly than ss18 – which focused on monochromatic, prom queen styles. The entire Wang show gave off the vibe that all the models were about to transform into warriors by pulling the embellishments from their clothing to reveal the silver beading as weaponry, and start taking out some O-Ren-Ishi style rage on the audience.

Cocktail Collage Hallostyle (2)

https://rstyle.me/~aF0Jl – asos duster coat
https://rstyle.me/~aF0Jz – ASOS Navy Bandana